Dream a little dream

After receiving my overall grade for my Maths course and realising I would not need to repeat any of it, an enormous sense of relief swept over me. If I had of failed that exam and been given a chance to resit it (yep, not everyone gets that option), I would have been doing so a week before Christmas which in my opinion would of sucked. Not to mention resitting an exam again and dealing with exam nerves again. Double suck. Thank heck that’s not happening. Now I get to pass go and collect two hundred dollars. Or something like that.

“I passed, I passed!”

I yelled, bounding out of bed at 4:30 in the morning, surprising Mr X in the kitchen, making his lunch.

“Well done my sweet. I know you’ve been feeling anxious about it.” Kissing me on the forehead, hugging me tight.

“I actually thought it was wishful thinking because I dreamt looking up my results and finding out I’d passed, that’s why I’m awake, but then I checked the Uni website to find it actually happened, amazing huh?!”

This is not the first time I’ve had true dreams like this but it’s been awhile since it’s happened. I have no idea how or why but it sure is super cool when it has a positive ending like this instead of dreaming a guy has cheated on you and finding out its true.

“See, you had nothing to worry about after all. All that worry for nothing.”

“Oh I certainly did because I know I flubbed it but lately I’ve been feeling a tiny bit hopeful about the exam and then I just felt like I’d be okay after all. And thank heck too because now I don’t have to resit that exam! Hell yeah!”

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Shake it off

Despite spending the past 12 weeks of my life studying everything there is to do with Calculus and passing all of my assignments, I’m fairly sure I tanked on my final exam.

I’m not sure what happened exactly as it’s still a bit of a blur to me but it was like I was experiencing an adrenalin rush that wouldn’t end because my hands wouldn’t stop shaking the entire time I was in that room and questions that should have taken me a couple of minutes to write out took me twice as long to pen my answer to whilst others that were fairly simple to answer, did my head in.

I had no idea I would react like that in an exam environment and I’m still in shock about it because I thought as long as I felt confident in my maths Id be okay after a few minutes, once I’d settled in to the zone. Unfortunately I couldn’t find my happy place and therefore couldn’t relax. Regardless the hours still flew by and when I exited the building after three hours I seriously didn’t understand what had just happened.

“Pretty sure I just failed my exam.” I texted Mr X as I walked back to my car. There was a storm brewing on the horizon but I was in no rush to escape it.

“But you’ve said that before and it’s been ok.” He replied.

I’m always get super nervous about my results whenever I submit an assignment because in some cases you just don’t know how the teacher will mark you. However Maths is Maths and you either get it right or you don’t. There is no grey area.

“No I’m fairly sure I failed. That was just bad. I couldn’t stop shaking and I lost my focus.”

So yeah, that kinda sucked after all my hard work and I was enormously disappointed and embarrassed to get so far and so close to the passing this subject only to stumble so badly. I mean I knew how to answer those questions and the information was within me but my brain just froze up on me. I didn’t think that could happen….

I probably would have moped the entire weekend, (even though days off meant more time for getting the bathroom finished which in itself is exciting), if it wasn’t for Mr X who bought me comfort food for dinner, gave me lots of sympathetic hugs and distracted me with new episodes of the Walking Dead. Even though I’d screwed up the exam he was still proud of what I’d accomplished and that was nice to hear and helped put it all into prospective.

Because all in all that was a tonne of information to process in such a short time, especially when all I started with was basic algebra.

The Quick and the Dead

Despite my earlier panic attacks regarding Tech Maths, I’m actually doing ok. I’ve tackled Algebra, Trigonometry, Quadratics, Logarithmic functions (just to name a few) and I haven’t lost my shit. I still wouldn’t say I’m a Maths genius, because I’m not nor will I ever be, but I’m definitely happy with my progress so far because this kind of Maths can be hard. Lucky for me I enjoy it which makes it that so much easier to learn but I still feel weird when people compliment on my abilities. Especially people I don’t know very well nor feel comfortable hearing compliments from.

“…I’m in awe of people like you, mature age students that is, who come in and learn basic calculus in twelve weeks when we expect high schoolers to learn it all over four years. Normally that doesn’t happen.”

I was finishing up my tutoring session on Saturday when The Nutty Professor suddenly started offering me praise. I’m not sure whether he was trying to fill the extra five minutes we had spare or he genuinely believed what he spoke but either way I shrugged my shoulders and offered up an explanation.

“Well I had a head start with my Energy and Electricity course, lots of equations and calculations and transposing formulas. It helped a lot.”

“Yeah but you seem to be catching on to all this other Maths each week without too many problems. That’s surprising.”

“Really? I don’t think about it to much.”

Liar, liar. I actually am surprised that I have picked it up so quickly and it blows my mind a little. When I’m bored at work I’ll often wake myself up with a Maths equation. I then like to leave these same problems laying around my desk so ppl who think I’m just a brainless female can have their own minds blown. It’s kinda arrogant of me but whatever. It’s not like I’m rubbing their noses in it. Much.

“…Besides, I kinda don’t have a choice about it because if I want to pass this class then I need to cram it in or I’m…road kill…”

Which is how some students ended up just before their first assignment was due. Or so I assume from the post left by the Lecturer on the class Q&A board, requesting all overdue assignments to be submitted immediately.

“Well there’s that but it still surprises me. The adult students I teach normally need more help before it sinks in.”

“I guess I find it easier to have you explain something and then I’ll go away and practice and if I have further problems I’ll come back and ask.”

“Well as long as the tutoring is helping you…”

“Oh it is. I just have my own way of learning.”

Lone Ranger

So, I ended up going to my next tutoring class but you already knew that, huh?

Actually to be honest I didn’t know if I was going to turn up to it until Saturday morning when I announced as much to Mr X. I had to take Master Z to his session anyway (high school assignments) and I also needed some help with understanding how to graph trigonometric functions.

I think I made those things more complicated than they really are.  I asked the Nutty Professor to explain a bit about them but I was hesitant to do any of my work in front of him (after the previous week) so after getting some of my questions answered about them we then moved onto next weeks exercises, logarithms and he used the rest of the session time explaining how they worked by doing a couple of sample exercises on the whiteboard. 

So class wasn’t too awkward and the Nutty Professor acted way more professional than last week, although that’s probably because there was no teenagers in the class to provoke him otherwise. 

Even so I think I might drop tutoring after the school holidays and go it alone again. I actually work better and faster when I’m solo and most of the time I’m doing all this learning and working in my own time anyway and showing it to the Nutty Professor the following week.

It’s been helpful to do this but is it really necessary? I can usually see when I’ve done a question correctly or not so if I spend a bit more time on figuring it out, checking my calculations, working similar problems, I will eventually get there.

I’m not one hundred percent decided yet but my argument above and the fact I’d save a bit of coin is definitely persuading me to drop the sessions. I guess I’ll see how the next few weeks pan out before I make my decision.

The Nutty Professor

So I took my own advice and signed up for tutoring lessons every Saturday and so far it’s been helpful but at the same time oh so annoying.

The guy whose tutoring these sessions is a mixture between an arrogant Maths nerd and a gossipy teenage boy, dressed up to the nines in grey, frumpy suit and last week he spent more time talking crap with the high school student in the session then teaching him about Statistics. Not my problem really because I got the information that I needed for the week but what did kinda piss me off, and thus force me to keep my temper in check, was when unbeknownst to me the tutor was peering over my shoulder and at my work and took it upon himself to point out a mistake I was doing. WTF?

“Why are you using the Sin rule for that question? I can’t see how you can solve it using that equation first.”

The question he was talking about was one involving distance travelled, angles and drawing oblique triangles. I was quietly working by myself trying to find the resultant magnitude and angle for it when he made asked his question and then started working the question out on the white board.

“Err, well I’m not sure I’ve drawn my triangle correctly but I thought I had enough info here to solve it.”

I suck at triangles questions. Or at least I did before I forced my brain to get educated on them. Unfortunately this didn’t happen till after this session and thus why I didn’t answer the question correctly.

“How did you find the angle at return end? You need to figure that out before you can use the Sin rule.”

“Oh ok. I’ve made a mistake and drew it wrong.”

And you would think he would of left it there after my admission but no. He was obliviously in the mood to make a point of what I did wrong and normally I wouldn’t of cared but I already knew what I did wrong, I didn’t need it pointed out at me again and again so when he didn’t shut up on his own accord I turned my back to him and picked up my phone. Childish I know but effective nonetheless and better than me losing my shit at him which was what I felt like doing. 

I mean WTF?! What kind of person does that?! I kinda figured from the beginning this guy was socially inept but I didn’t expect him to go all Sheldon Cooper on me. Of course he realized his error afterward and tried to engage me in conversation to smooth it over but I was beyond being nice and just wanted to do my work and get the hell out of there. 

Tis a pity I need to keep going with these sessions though because all I really feel like dropping them. Unfortunately in life you sometimes have to work with people that irritate you and since I want to pass this Tech Maths class I will endure those 80 minutes if it means I’m one course closer to my degree.

Worry wort

As the days count down to starting my next Engineering class (Tech Maths – the class I deferred awhile ago), I’m kinda panicking a bit. It’s been way too long since my last course and I’ve gotten a little used to having all this free time. I’m Gokarting now and getting Reno stuff done to the house. How the hell will I manage to do this (by this I mean cram tonnes of information whilst juggling my job and home life) as well?

So I’ve been ignoring the impending start date a bit and pretending that I’ll just figure it out but I think I’m going to need some professional tutoring with this one to help push me through and that stuff is not cheap. Sessions go for around 90 minutes each but fucked if I know where that time will already fit into my time poor schedule. I’ll probably skip lunch one or two days a week and leave work early, do a tutoring class and then head home directly afterward. Which means I’ll have to do gym on the other free days. Did I mention I hate overbooking my time? 

Anyway I’m mulling it all over in my head (and evidently on my blog) to get it out of my system but I still feel anxious about this class. I can vaguely recall how much info I needed to study and complete each week the last time I looked at this course and I just couldn’t get my head around it as quick as I needed to. WTF happens if that occurs again?

Ugh. I just want to stop worrying about it.

Stay the course

uni-life

I have been studying so hard this year that I had forgotten what it is like to have no new study material before me. University has finished up for this year and although I’m signing up for a new Project Management course in the not so distant future those assessments are less intense and are not graded as such.

I don’t think I can express how relieved I am about having no more Uni work for the rest of this year because I am damn well worn out. I feel pretty passionate about this Engineering degree and so much so that I want to do so well in every single course that is involved. It’s not just about getting high distinctions because they are great marks to show off, for me it’s about knowing how to figure stuff out, learning the material and understanding how to achieve this all by myself.

My ultimate goal is to know what the fuck I am doing and what I am talking about when it involves Engineering. I’m not interested nor will I ever be on receiving a free pass in this career of mine. I want to know that if I succeed or move up the ladder that I did so on my own merits and my own will power.

And that is why I study so hard. That is why I strive to achieve the best possible mark in every single assignment. Not because of the mark itself but because of what it represents.  If I can get high marks in each course and I learn all of that material all on my own than I will know within myself that I have the capacity to learn anything new that comes up and thus won’t be reliant on others if there is no-one there to help me.

Wash, rinse, dry and repeat

My life lately has been an endless cycle of only sleeping, working, eating and studying. There has been no room (no time) for gym, tv show marathons, lazy weekends…. It kinda sucks.

The last of my CAD course assignments is due next week but I still have heaps of work to do on them. We are to draw a number of components in 3D when put together will create a stock bracket. Then we need to show an exploded view and an assembly view of the stock bracket, as well as a 2D wireframe of the stock bracket with dimensions included AND THEN we need to supply wireframe drawings of the stock support bracket base and support roller bracket.

Sounds easy enough but learning to draw objects in 3D takes time, a lot of thinking and some clever tricks. Not to mention that you need to be precise about measurements otherwise it’s not so easy to fix.

So yeah I have a tonne of work to do for my last assignment such as the thrust bearing and adjusting screw parts before I can even start on the rest of the assignment questions. I’m not sure how long it takes to convert drawings to 2D using solview, soldraw commands etc as I haven’t “practiced” on any solid objects but I’m hoping there’s is not a lot to it if it’s done right.

I also have to complete my folio – worth no marks but still must be done to pass – and so there’s 8 more drawings to piss me off.

I’m really trying not to stress over whether I will get this assignment and folio done but it’s hard. Instead of focusing on how far behind I am I’m going to concentrate on smashing out my folio drawings and leave the rest of the weekend to do my assignment.

Fingers crossed that I get this done!