The soul, like the body, lives by what it feeds on – Josiah Gilbert Holland

A friend of mine is going through a bad patch in her relationship (or a bunch of bad patches if you were to ask me). Her partner – whom she moved back in with in May – has numerous issues. For one he has angry moods which he needs to be medicated for. Two he is an addict – but according to my friend he doesn’t do methamphetamine any more but you don’t just give that up cold turkey, do you? And three, he is abusive towards her.

Since I’m not privy to every conversation they have it’s hard to determine how bad the situation is but when she does confides in me about the acts he performs when he is ‘in one of his moods ‘ – as she calls them – such as the name calling, the threats to defame her and locking her out of the house I can tell it’s at least emotionally abusive. You see it’s much easier to see the signs when you have been in that same place yourself.

My own situation was perhaps a little different to hers because unlike she – who is aware that her husband is an abusive towards her – I myself didn’t know that what I was experiencing in that relationship was emotional abuse. I tragically thought it was just love – that love was pain and the more pain I felt in my chest, the more it meant I loved – but after experiencing such joy and peace in Mr X’s arms I now know that love is just love and if your partner needs to make you suffer – to make themselves feel better – than that isn’t love and the relationship is not a healthy one to be in.

So I got away from that toxic person but unfortunately I cannot seem to escape my friends toxic relationship because every time he abuses her, she texts me about it and every time I read one of those messages I silently scream in my head “Why are you still with him!”. I have voiced similar concerns aloud to her – along with many others – and her answer? She loves him. She hopes he will change. So of course she isn’t going to go anywhere but does that mean I have to continue to pretend it’s OK by listening to it carry on?

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