I kinda chewed Mr X’s ear off tonight. I was trying to explain how I was annoyed at him for not doing something today (as it was important that the information was received today if I was to utilise it!) and it came across a little bitchy.
Now I don’t mind being labelled a bitch but I hate being a bitch towards people I care about. It’s not healthy for your relationship nor is it healthy for yourself.
But I digress.
Just under a week ago I asked him to read a document for me to confirm that what I was reading was indeed the correct interpretation. The document was an itemised list of equipment but the way it was written I wasn’t a hundred percent sure if I needed to provide only some of the equipment or if I would be given all the equipment to use. It was really poorly written document but even so I interpreted it that I needed to front up some of the equipment.
I then asked Mr X to read it over, to see if that was his interpretation too and nope, he thought I wouldn’t need to provide anything which threw me into a frenzy because I honestly thought my understanding of the document was correct but usually he is pretty good with this stuff too so I started to doubt myself.
At that stage I thought it was just easier if I went straight to the source and Mr X offered to speak to this person today whilst I was at work. It was really important that this was done today because I needed to know one hundred percent before I drove home and before the shops closed for the day. The reason? Because if I need to buy some of this stuff then I’d rather do it whilst I was in town and not whilst I was at home some 50km’s away from the nearest shopping centre.
Since Mr X offered to do this I didn’t feel the need to follow it up with him (besides guys just hate it when you pester them with reminders) yet this afternoon when we met up in town I ask him what the person said about the document to which he replied he forgot to see them to which I reply by handing him my phone to call them immediately.
At that stage I probably should have called the person myself but I thought it better if Mr X did it because if there is one thing that annoys me is when someone asks you to do something and then when you don’t do it to their time frame (usually within 30 seconds if your my boss) they then go and do it themselves.
So Mr X makes the call, confirms that yes I need to provide some of the equipment and it’s done, right?
I didn’t have that list on me at the time and I had actually forgotten half of the stuff on it so we arrive home and I discover we don’t have some of this stuff on the list. And the kicker? It is needed by 8am the next morning, before any of the shops open up. This discovery then leads to me giving Mr X a lecture on the importance of following through with doing stuff when you say you are going to do it because the consequence of not doing so can kind of suck.
His consequence forced him to trek back into town to pick up said equipment and my own forced me to take a real long hard look at myself and wonder why I needed clarification of that document to begin with. I knew what it said so why couldn’t I believe my own interpretation of it? And the only answer I could see is because I doubt myself.
I doubt my abilities, my skills and even my learning capabilities in some situations and I find it so dumb that it took something so trivial to point this out and show me what a huge problem this is if I want to successfully pursue an Engineering degree.
I need to be confident, I need to be skilled but mostly I need to believe in myself.